Episode of the A-Team unfolding in Hardin, Montana

Yeah, so, this paramilitary force (American Police Force) took over prison in Montana and are acting as the town's de facto police.

The story is totally weird and shadowy, the whole things sounds like Knight Rider meets the A-Team meets Jericho.

Anyway, APF's website is awesome. The ad-copy appears to have been written by Bulgarian spy novelists using Google Translator.

APF offers a variety of military, security and private investiagtion services, here are some highlights:

From the Services section, under "Check Your Mate" (Cheating Spouse)

Infidelity, Adultery, Cheating, and being unfaithful might all have a different definition in your mind but at APF its a category all by its lonesome. Married husbands and wives will typically call untrustworthy loved ones adultery or infidelity. In the non-marital relationships its commonly known as cheating and we can help you figure out what's really going on.

Bolding mine, adorable poetic flourish with "all by its lonesome."

Specific services offered:

Surveillance
Polygraph Examination Lie Detection
Semen Testing
Bodily Fluid Testing
DNA for Hair and Skin
Covert Pregnancy Testing
Surface Drug Testing
Photos of Unknown Subjects
Communications Activity
Computer Usage
Internet Usage
Email Tracing
Identity Verification
Covert and Undercover Assignments

Not sure why they need separate entries for "semen testing" and "bodily fluid testing," but I can only speak from my own experience.

Also, "covert pregnancy testing?" Wtf?

APF also offers Ransom and Kidnapping, which I guess is more honest than "extraordinary rendition." The graphic accompanying this section is great, it looks like my dad escorting some LDS members to the door.

APF also offers Forensic Testing. An area that allows them to work with their favorite subject: cum.

APF offers forensic services criminal cases involving murder and rape. We also provide a service to catch cheating spouses including dna investigations with body fluid, semen testing, and hair follicles.

All in all, a comprehensive security outfit capable of solving all your paramilitary needs, especially if those needs happen to fall in an area of the world that has just been jerked-off on.

Finally, do not underestimate SPF, they thrive on adversity and competition, but don't take my work for it. From their Our Competitors section:

Our competitors are efficient diligent, & attentative. They make us search for ways to improve our services. Our competitors would take our business if they could. This keeps us alert to what we have. If we didn't have competitors we'd be incompetent & unattentative; we need the discipline they enforce on us. We salute "Our Competitors", they have been good to us, God Bless them all.

Chilling.